Seems Tucson’s dominant newspaper, The Arizona Daily Star (aka: ‘RedStar’, ‘PimaCo Pravda’, ‘Old Pueblo Pravda’), and its duplicitous half-owner, LEE Enterprises of Davenport Iowa, are suddenly about be gobbled-up by the Godzilla of newsroom buggy whips, Alden Global Capital. They’re a hedge fund that specializes in such, owning a bunch of newspapers.
Alden has made a crusade profiting on the deluded dreams of Woke Newsies in this Internet Age, and their clueless managerial twits that thought the web was their friend. All the while milking the properties for sky-high salaries & insider fringe benefits.
LEE Enterprises, itself a recent 2-time bankruptcy candidate, and genuine junk-bond “zombie company”, was earlier saved (2020) from the fires of technological perdition by a sentimental Warren Buffett (he was once a newsy). This time around LEE has very few high cards left to play.
Nothing short of a free, water-cooler dispenser of Zoloft looks to be in order for Tucson’s RedStar.
So in the spirit of funeral oratory, and answering the frantic warnings of the RedStar’s new opinion page editor, Curt Prendergast, I have composed this short Ode to an Awful Newspaper. To wit:
● Would we miss your distorted & smug liberal sanctimony, that reeks of the soft racism of low expectations?
● Would we miss your contrived propaganda for the angry & gullible in the victimology (Woke) cult?
● Would we miss your thinly-veiled sophomoric desire that Tucson stay a dinky little college town?
● Would we miss your J-school aircover for dirtbag politicos & sinecured University apparatchiks?
● Would we miss your Hard-Left perspective that capitalism, personal responsibility & opportunity are evil?
● Would we miss your giddy swallowing of the Neo-druidism kool-aid from Tucson’s Center for Bio-Diversity?
● Would we miss your tardiness & omission of real news, in favor of political hit-jobs and Dimshevik apologeas?
● Would we miss your preppie elitism to make policy, and be influencer-brainiacs without any direct hard work?
● Would we miss your 57 year, 50% culpability in the Tucson Metro’s economic & social retardation? In one of America’s best states for commerce, industry, and personal growth? next to our 2nd largest trading partner?
● ANSWER: NO… (this is really the “short list”)
Now go out in the desert & die, we’ll cremate your miserable carcass, and give thanks to the Gods of Karma & Technology…. now scoot!
Sellers is a Southpark Republican living in incorporated Oro Valley; his background is federal technology commercialization, and can be found at “Metro Tucson E-P-T News” on Facebook